How Crisis On Infinite Earths Should Have Ended
by Aragorn II Elessar
Summary: Crack fic about how Crisis on Infinite Earths should have ended. Based on HISHE.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Arrowverse or anything else you may recognize **

**And there we go people. Crisis on Infinite Earths is over at last. Parts 1 and 3 were total garbage in my opinion. **

**Part 2 was good, except their treatment of Conroy's Batman which sickened me. **

***SPOILER ALERT*Part 4 was good too and Oliver actually got treated respectfully, to my surprise. And the Speed Force part was well done. Plus, DCEU Flash coming in was unexpected, but not unwelcome at all. Loved that part. And Oliver's sacrifice was handled well and respectfully in my opinion, so that was a good thing too. RIP to both Tony Stark and Oliver Queen, two heroes and architects of Universes (Marvel Cinematic Universe and Arrowverse). But Part 5 *groans* just cut the Beebo bullshit already! I don't want it anymore! Season 4 was totally ridiculous, which is why I stopped watching Legends of Tomorrow, and this episode reminded me why. But the Justice League's formation was well done and I just wish the 'Green Arrow' symbol was put on the League's table to honor Oliver. Plus, Earth-1. Earth-38 and Black Lightning's Earths merging was not surprising but not unwelcome at all. And most of the Multiverse is back. I just wish the Earths of Smallville, Keaton Batman, West Batman, Birds of Prey and the other classics were shown too. And that's what I feel about this entire thing*END SPOILERS* **

**Now I'm sure most of you know of HISHE on YouTube. This is my HISHE version of COIE. It may not be as humorous as the actual HISHE but I still hope I do a good job.**

Barry groaned on the bed as Jay Garrick and his wife Joan Williams looked over at him.

"What did you see in there, kid?" Jay asked kindly.

"I saw…..billions of possible futures…." Barry sighed. "Billions of deaths. All their pain and suffering. And then they were gone. I felt all of it. But the Monitor was wrong!"

"What?" Joan asked in shock as Barry looked over at them.

"How many futures did we win?" Jay asked.

After breathing slowly multiple times to calm himself down, Barry finally revealed. "Six."

* * *

Fast forward to Scenario 1, Earth-38

"Oliver! It is time", the Monitor told him.

"How many people have been evacuated?" Oliver asked as he shot down another Shadow Demon.

"About 1 billion", the Monitor told him.

"And how many more would be evacuated if I throw away my bow and charge into all of them like an idiot?" Oliver asked.

"Uhhhh…..not many", the Monitor shrugged.

"Very well then", Oliver said as he fired two arrows. One of them was an explosive and the other was an electronic one.

The former exploded, taking down a huge chunk of the Shadow Demons and the latter one stuck onto the ground and sent out electric shocks into the air, killing more Shadow Demons.

The Monitor then pointed at Oliver and he was sucked into a portal as well.

* * *

Earth-1

"Ollie!" Sara said happily as the two hugged each other and kissed on the lips.

"Dad! You're married to my mom!" Mia reminded him.

"Fuck Felicity!" Both Oliver and Sara said simultaneously as everyone else shook their heads.

"But dad, I will be erased from existence!" Mia snapped before realizing she wasn't being erased as she looked at herself in shock. "But I'm not."

"You sure she's yours and Felicity's daughter?" Barry asked carefully.

"She looks more like yours and Sara's daughter", Kara pointed out too.

Realizing what that meant, Mia also said. "Fuck Felicity!"

"And fuck Iris too!" Barry added randomly and all realized his existence under her was very miserable.

Oliver and Sara kissed again as Kara said. "To be honest I thought you were gonna charge into all the foes to allow everyone a way out, even if it meant your life."

"What do you think I am, a character in a teenage drama?" Oliver asked as all chuckled.

* * *

Fast forward to Scenario 2, Earth-99

"So yes, the Multiverse is being threatened and we believe you might be able to help save it", Kate explained to Bruce Wayne.

"Well then, what are we waiting for?" Bruce said as he got up.

"You sure you can move in that thing?" Kate asked.

"Honey, this suit has helped me battle meta-humans", Bruce said. "I can do a lot more than just move."

"Well, good thing", Kate commented as she looked around. "This looks like a serial killer's lair to me though."

"Lack of maintenance", Bruce said. "But trust me. I'm not one."

* * *

Earth-167

Clark-38 and his Lois Lane stood in front of the Clark of this Earth.

"Lex Luthor is gonna try to kill you!" Lois told him.

"I had no idea the President was in town", Clark-167 said.

"Good thing we didn't bring Iris", Clark-38 said. "She would give a long-winded explanation."

"And make herself look like a helpless damsel in distress somehow", Lois added and both chuckled.

Suddenly, Lex Luthor of Earth-38 appeared, holding a piece of Kryptonite, making Clark-38 stagger and kneel in pain as Lois held his arm in shock. "Clark!"

But to everyone's shock, Clark-167 was unaffected.

"How is this not affecting you?" Lex wondered when Clark-167 snatched the piece from him and threw it away before punching Lex so hard he fell on his butt.

"You're not Lex", Clark-167 told him. "You look like someone who is ragged on by everyone, including his older brother, his kid, his mother, his ex-wives and current girlfriends."

"Hey!" Lex said angrily but was kicked out by Clark-167 who then turned to the other two. "So what were you two saying?"

"The Multiverse needs your help", Clark-38 said.

"Very well then", Clark-167 said as he unstrapped his watch and threw it away. "Blue Kryptonite watch to suppress my powers."

"Why do you wear it?" Lois asked.

"For….fun times", Clark-167 said and both realized what he meant.

"Smallville!"

Everyone turned to see Lois-167 approach as she asked. "Who are these people?"

"They are us from another Earth", Clark-167 said.

But Clark-38 was cringing on seeing Lois-167.

"Lois Lane is my aunt!" Clark-38 suddenly said in disgust.

* * *

The Waverider, Earth-1

The Anti-Monitor stood in Lyla's body, ready to kill everyone.

Suddenly, Clark-96, who could randomly pull out any power from his ass, raised his hands and telekinetically assaulted Lyla. She screamed and soon, the Anti-Monitor was out of her. Clark-167 punched him so hard he was sent flying off into Space, never to be seen again.

"And that's how you do it", Both the Clarks said together.

"I'm Batman", Batman said randomly.

* * *

Fast forward to Scenario 3, Earth-666

The Anti-Monitor tried to destroy the Universe when some enchanted mist blew his anti-matter wave away to his shock. He landed on the Earth. "Who dares to defy me?'

"You are a hideous, terrible, taxing creature."

The Anti-Monitor turned to see Lucifer Morningstar marching towards him with a smirk.

"Who are you?" Anti-Monitor asked when he was thrown down telekinetically.

Lucifer lifted him up with one hand and said. "Now you have been a naughty boy."

Then he smirked and said. "But I dig men with burnt faces. So I'm gonna spank you for being naughty."

"NO!" Anti-Monitor yelled in despair as Lucifer dragged him away. "NOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

Fast forward to Scenario 4, Vanishing Point

"So", Lex asked after replacing Earth-96 Superman. "What do we do now?"

Kate suddenly punched him, making him fall down. And then everyone was upon him, kicking and punching.

"I liked that guy!" Ryan said.

"You are a bald oaf!" Kara added.

"Let's all pick on him like everyone else in his life does", Barry added as all continued kicking.

"Maybe I can help."

They all turned around to see someone in a hood.

"Who are you?" Sara asked.

He lifted his hood and Lex's eyes widened in horror.

"NOOOOOOOO!" He yelled in despair as Charlie Harper, now the Spectre, flew at him and grabbed him by the face. "Poor Satan came for your soul and left empty-handed. But I won't."

And then he laughed and disappeared with Lex.

* * *

Fast forward to Scenario 5, Earth-1

"Who's causing all the destruction?" Barry asked.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you", Dig told him.

* * *

A red speeding blur was knocking down several people when Barry, Sara and Ray stopped in front of him and the blur stopped, revealing himself to be Thawne.

"Thawne?" Barry asked in shock.

"I told you I'd see you in the next Crisis", Thawne said. "What were you expecting, Beebo?"

"I prefer you to him", Barry said as both started running and fighting.

* * *

BUT HOW CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS REALLY SHOULD HAVE ENDED

The Waverider, Earth-1

The Anti-Monitor stood in Lyla's body, ready to kill everyone when suddenly Clark-96 ripped the 'S' off his chest and threw it at him. It wrapped around him and restrained him, horrifying him.

But then the 'S' disappeared and he got up again, until Clark-96 pulled another power from his ass and fired a breach from his eyes.

And then a laughter was heard from within the breach as the Legends paled. Then a giant, blue cuddly toy leapt out from the breach.

"Beebo wants to hug!" Beebo roared as Clark-96 used his telekinesis to rip the Anti-Monitor from Lyla.

And then Beebo cuddled him so much he screamed and disappeared into nothingness.

* * *

Heroes Café

"So that's it?" Clark asked Barry and Oliver as they sat with Batman. "Pretty ridiculous."

"Oh our entire lives have slowly started becoming ridiculous since later 2014", Oliver said.

"Actually my life started becoming ridiculous from early 2017", Barry added.

"Well, the bad guys all got what they deserved", Clark said.

"I'm Batman", Batman said randomly.

"All right, I need to divorce Felicity", Oliver said.

"And I'm gonna divorce Iris", Barry said as the two got up and started moving away.

"Good thing no version of me married Lana", Clark said.

"Can you do the 'S' thing?" Batman asked Clark.

"Sure", Clark said as he ripped off his 'S' and threw it at Batman but it disappeared before it could touch him.

"How is that possible?" Clark wondered. "It always works."

"I'm Batman", Batman said.

* * *

Villains pub

Lex-38 entered, disheveled when he saw Lex-167 sitting there.

"Welcome", Lex-167 said. "With the Anti-Monitor dealt with, I was hoping we could discuss how to deal with the Supermen and other heroes."

"Yes, I was hoping too", Lex-38 grunted. "And CHARLIE is the first one we will kill."

Then the doors opened and another Lex walked in, moving like a clown.

"I'm Lex Luthor too", He said. "Let me join in. We will make the heroes' funeral bells ring. Ding ding ding ding ding-"

Lex-167 suddenly smashed a glass on his head out of annoyance, making him fall down as the glass shattered. Lex-38 stabbed his throat with a piece of the glass, killing him.

"Who was this clown?" Lex-38 wondered.

"Not Lex", Lex-167 said and both nodded in agreement.

* * *

**And done. Hope everyone enjoyed. Not as funny as I thought it could be but I still hope I made it work.**

**Oh! And the Lex that was killed was the DCEU version. Killed by Rosenbaum and Cryer, XD! **

**Also, I love Erica Durance and she is one of the actresses I have a crush on, but who had the bright idea of casting the former Lois Lane as Superman's aunt? It's kind of weird.**

**See you all next time with another update.**


End file.
